Two Poems Are Better Than One

It's poetry month!

I think the only publisher who actually celebrates this month is

Random House.

I get a poem a day from them

for the month of April every year

in my e-mail.

It's a lovely thing.

Anyway, I'm not sure how prolific I will be this month,

but here are two poems

just for you:

"Two Cats"

*(Wee came up with the first two lines.

When I asked her what she does when she's sad,

she said she hugs her cats.)

and

"Dead Bird"

*(It's about the dead bird I saw this morning of all mornings.)

I'm a little rusty at writing poetry, 

so just laugh with me.

Okay, here goes:

Two Cats

Two cats are better than one

Two cats are so much fun

Two cats, paired like peas in a pod

Two cats, neither of them are named Todd

Two cats, frowning at your skeptical face

Two cats, next on The Amazing Race

Two cats hike the Appalachian Trail

Two cats will never fail

Two cats are asleep in your shoes

Two cats got into your booze

Two cats think your stupid joke is funny

Two cats fart after tasting honey

Buht, buht

Buht, buht

Buht

Two cats slide through a box

Two cats chase the fox

Two cats love, love, love fish

Two cats, they share a splish!

Two cats nap on your head

Two cats, they pretend that you're dead

Two cats are better than one

Two cats are so much fun

Dead Bird

Oh, bird.

You once took flight,

high up in the air,

morning, noon, and night.

You loved what you did,

though perhaps a little too much.

Now you're feeling

a bit out of touch.

As they saying goes:

Pimpin' aint eazy.

But just keep swimming,

just keep swimming,

and life was but a dream. 

Naw mean, bra?

Turkish Delight on a Moonlit Night

At a shop at the Spice Market,

we bought at least a hundred dollars worth of Turkish delight.

Insane, right?

I'm not even a big fan of the stuff.

It's nutty and chewy and kinda has a slightly sweet flavor,

but give me chocolate any day and I'm a much happier girl.

They come either as cubes or logs

and they're mostly covered to prevent sticking.

We like to pretend to be grossed out by the long poop ones.

The green ones are covered in pistachios.

The nuts are either pistachios or hazelnuts mostly.

The box was nice.

They vacuum sealed it for the transportation of it too.

My dad claims that this is how one smuggles hashish in/out of the country.

At least if you're stuck staying at the Midnight Express movie's prison,

it's now an exclusive Four Seasons.

I cut up a bunch of Turkish delight for my coworkers to try on Monday.

It didn't go over as well with them as it did with my brother's coworkers,

who already seemed to have eaten at least two pounds of the stuff.

I brought a sandwich bag of the stuff home.

It's not for everyone.

Anyway, loyal blog readers, I hope we can meet up soon,

so I can share some with you!

(Can I mail it to Hawaii, fuzzy?

I'll leave out the hashish.)

Istanbul: Day 1

Saturday, 2/16: Landed, got to hotel (Park Hyatt), went to the outsides of the Blue Mosque (it appears in Argo in the scene where he gets the passports in Istanbul from the British guy) and Hagia Sophia and the inside of the Archaeological Museum, then Grand Bazaar (see the scene in Skyfall where he comes crashing through), then dinner near the hotel. Dom and I walked to the Galata Tower (4.7 km) and back (4.0 km). We had gotten a bit lost on our way there. Dom ate a doner (think gyro). My big toe was bleeding from walking so much when we returned (and I had done pointe ballet for years without any toenail issues ever!). It might have been because I kept tripping over the steps they willy-nilly inserted on the hills.

Biker Gang

Pam, Jon, and I went bike riding through Central Park

one Saturday morning in September.

Pam and I had vouchers for discounted bike rentals,

so we met up,

walked our bikes over to Central Park

(we hardly ever ride bikes,

so riding on the NYC street seemed a bit suicidal),

and road from the Plaza end up to CPW and around 108th Street.

The park was extremely crowded

with other people on bikes, runners, and park trucks.

It made it really unappealing to bike around.

There is also a HUGE hill right 

as you round the northeast end of the park.

Have you seen Premium Rush?

It's the bike messenger movie with Joseph Gordon-Levitt.

We stopped and exited the park around

the part when he's like WTF

because he has no gears to help him get up the hill.

I had to stop.

I hadn't eaten anything,

and I was freaking out from all the people.

And the hill seemed neverending.

I thought I was going to die.

So we walked our bikes across town,

and incidentally found a wonderful fresh smoothie place.

It had actual fruit pieces in the smoothie.

No powder crap at all.

We got lime/mint and watermelon.

I think Pam got mango.

I stood outside with the bikes,

snacking on a granola bar Pam generously gave me

(she's a smart lady),

while Pam and Jon went inside.

They said the man who worked there

was very nice.

He also sold bahn-mi sandwiches.

I'd go there again based on the smoothie 

and the recommended niceness of him.

YESSS! I found the place!

It's called Quick & Quality.

We road up a bit and then down

through Riverside Park.

Then we road along the bike path down by the river.

It got a little crowded with tourists and people walking their kids and dogs

as we neared the Boat Basin,

but it was mostly other leisure-bike riders--

not Lance Armstrong-types.

We walked back crosstown with the bikes to return them,

and headed to lunch with Kat and Tif at Bosie Tea Parlor.

It might be because I was starving,

but the eggs Benedict I had there was the best I've ever eaten.

I'm not sure how well this video will work,

but here goes:

Try, You Like: New Music (to Me)

I found this on the "Tuneyards" Pandora station.

The Metropolis edits are cool too.

I love the scene that's cut back and you see the city.

Wee and I were listening to this when 

we were returning from Target

the other night.

It's on one of the local stations.

It was big band orchestra hour or something awesome.

Water for Elephants

Elephant and baboon statue
outside of Musée d'Orsay in Paris

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Water for Elephants

:(

It was visually appealing--how could it not be? It's the circus after all. With an ELEPHANT. I didn't read the book, nor do I want to after seeing this movie.

Overall: The elephant was the star, and if it were two hours of that elephant playing in a puddle, I'd have watched it. I don't know though. I hate Reese Witherspoon for some inexplicable reason, so her being miserable was okay with me for awhile, but then she gets her happy ending. Pssht. Oh, and the Twilight guy/dead guy from Harry Potter is in it. I thought he'd be really terrible as a lead character, but he was watchable. You almost forget that he's Twilight guy/dead guy from Harry Potter. Almost. The main bad guy (who in the movie is a combination of the two bad guys) is really obnoxious and crazy. He treats animals and people equally cruelly. I don't like seeing that kind of stuff.

Surprise: I can't think of anyone or anything about this movie that really surprised me. The elephant was excellent though.

tUnE-YaRds, Micachu & The Shapes, and Delicate Steve at Terminal 5

On June 1st, 

Jon and I went to Terminal 5 to see:

Delicate Steve

Micachu & The Shapes

and

tUnE-YaRds.

Did that sound like gibberish?

They were obscure bands to me until about two months ago.

First, a concert at Terminal 5 wasn't all that horrible.

After reading the Yelp reviews,

I was a little terrified,

but it's a better musical space than

Radio City, I think,

just because it's smaller,

so the sound doesn't just disappear

into the velvety cushions and carpeted floors.

It's only a couple of blocks north of our apartment too.

There's a long hallway,

and then there's the floor with the stage and a large bar at the back.

Then on each side of the bar are steps to get to the second and third balconies.

We hung out on the third balcony,

but the ceiling speakers were right there

and the sound was so loud that the vibrations made me feel pretty sick.

So we went down to the first floor and hung out toward the back,

so we wouldn't be trampled on by warpainted hipsters trying to dance.

Warpainted hipsters.

So, you might be wondering if Steve is really all that delicate.

I'm not really sure.

I was too busy trying to figure out the venue and jostle for a good spot.

But this is Steve's famous song--and the video is cool to boot:

It makes me think about who I'd want to be in this video.

I've narrowed it down to:

hula-hoop girl

belly dancer with sword

chain saw dude

It's like how this subway ad

makes me wonder who I am in this generic sampling.

I think Jon and I are like these folks:

We can be any of these people

at different times.

So Micachu & the Shapes

did not play the one song that I really like:

How fun was that?

It makes me want to dance freaking crazy

and then totally freeze when there's a rest in the music.

Nope, they played a bunch of stuff that wasn't as fun as this song.

And finally tUne-YaRds.

At first when Jon played her stuff,

I thought the chick sounded like a dude,

but then I realized she just has a cool voice.

And she sounds like she's from somewhere exotic,

but she's from New England.

She's from NEW ENGLAND!

How'd she get that voice?

Here are some songs that you might have heard:

I want to go to THAT school.

The sharp notes in this song are just too appealing to hate.

Falsetto then that flat tone in her voice.

Gangsta.

Again with the kids.

The gray dress is really cute.

Actually, all these kids are dressed really nice.

Is this a GAP ad?

 And then there was “Powa” 

before which some guy in the audience shouted 

“I have sex to this song,”

generating laughter from the entire audience 

and Merrill thanking him for the kind gesture.

--Melissa Sheinberg

This video actually leads to other really cool NPR recordings of musicians,

but it also demonstrates how Merill creates the backing track to her songs.

You also get to see her horn section and bassist up close.

I used to think saxes couldn't be as essential to music as trumpets,

but now I'm no longer sure.

This was one of the best concerts I've been to,

and it made me look forward to the rest of this summer.

Reign of Assassins

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Reign of Assassins
:)

I hate violence, so I was playing some version of a sushi-go-round game while watching this, but it was really good. John Woo + Michelle Yeoh = great film

Overall: Michelle Yeoh CHANGES her FACE* because she wants to put her assassin life behind her. (Who doesn't?) In her new life, a funny old lady meddles in her life and helps her get a husband. Michelle can't be happy yet though. Bad guys mess with her husband, and she takes them down. I don't want to give too much away because the end is intense and awesome. It's like it was tied up with a bow made out of your worst enemy's skin.

Surprise: I didn't think it'd be funny at all, but it was.

* Jon just mentioned that John Woo also directed Face/Off. And thought I was making a reference to that. He also just sprayed me with lobster juice. It's on the keyboard too. Time to eat!

Hammer Time with Thor

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Thor

:/

I was told that it was funny (true) and that Natalie Portman didn't play a pivotal role (LIAR!). At least there are enough jokes about tasering Thor that made the movie funny.

Overall: Thor loses his hammer and has to get it back, and for some reason Natalie Portman's character shows up and helps him. Here's a South Park clip that demonstrates exactly what's wrong with Natalie Portman and her character in this movie. Additionally, Natalie Portman has an annoying voice, and since it's an action/adventure movie she's shouting a lot. Plus she plays some brainiac, dedicated scientist-type person. (Eye roll and UGH. Can they just make her dumb and boring for once so she doesn't have to over act to demonstrate how smart and dedicated she is in each and every one of her movie roles?) Thor is funny, but the movie is only mildly entertaining. I'd give it a sad face if it wasn't for my love of the multiverse misunderstanding hijinks that ensue. I saw the movie while reading Bossypants, so I guess that says something about both Thor and Bossypants.

Surprise: Well, it didn't suck as much as I thought it would. Also, Luther's in it.

Young Adult

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Young Adult

:/

I love young adult books. Reading about those experiences helps me replace some of my own more traumatizing experiences, and it keeps me knowledgeable about what middle schoolers and high schoolers are doing (or at least reading) nowadays. Here's a quick list of what I think that is:

• drugs
• dealing with bullies, crushes, stalkers, abusive family members, teachers, parents, and stepfamilies, etc.
• detention
• boarding school
• sex
• growing apart from childhood friends
• suicides
• school dances and other events
• killings
• brawls
• growing up
• discovering who they really are (royalty, aliens, superhumans, werewolves, witches, etc.)

Overall: One of the movie posters (see above) is really cool--like a parody of the old The Baby-Sitters Club covers. From the trailer this movie seemed to promise a narrative about a thirty-something woman who was popular in high school, and she's trying to reclaim that feeling. I thought the setting was going to be a high school reunion or something like that, but Mavis (Charlize Theron), a miserable young-adult book ghostwriter, heads home from "the city" (which is Minneapolis--not really a city, is it?) to save her ex-boyfriend from his happy marriage and brand-new baby. (Ho, ho, irony.) Mavis was a mean girl in high school and is still a mean girl. I'm not sure how believable it is, since she just seems a little more psycho than misunderstood. It's sometimes funny and mostly awkward, but a bit disappointing considering that it wasn't as clever as Juno (the writer is the same). It carried much more of the tone of depressing movie reality as Up in the Air (the director is the same). Like, WHAM-oooooohhhh! Oh. (That's the tone of the movie.) !!!REALITY!!! (That's the denouement.)

Surprise: You don't think they will--and you kind of hope they don't--but they do. All. The. Way.

Love and Other Drugs

Huge boob statues
from the Louisiana Museum of Modern Art in Denmark

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Love and Other Drugs

:/

Based on reviews that I've heard and read, I expected the worst movie ever. With lots of Anne Hathaway's boobs. I think they did a good job actually of balancing Anne's boobs with Jake's butt. Did they emphasize the boobs so that guys reluctant to see a kinda-sorta romantic movie will be taken by surprised by the butt?

Overall: It was kind of boring (overachiever gets his ass handed to him and then gets everything he's ever wanted) and predictable (they live happily ever after--as well as they could, I guess, considering she has Parkinson's) and gratuitous (um, the scene at the slutty drug rep's house), but it was also nice (she's sick and helps old people buy medicine in Canada because it's cheaper; see also that they live happily ever after) and funny (those Parkinson's people at the "unconvention" are hilarious; there's something 2010s-ish about that brother--it's the Jonah Hill [pre-21 Jump Street]/overweight buddy character that seems to be springing up in comedies everywhere nowadays).

Surprise: The journalist chick that kind of looks like ScarJo that dumped Seeley Booth from Bones (aka Angel from Buffy) with the terrible accent. Her. She's in it. Does she have to show up and ruin everything all the time?

An Education

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

An Education

:/

The trailer looked good, and I've been told I might like it. The only thing I've seen Carey Mulligan in was Pride & Prejudice. So I thought it might be interesting to see her as the protagonist, but in this movie she's a child in a relationship with an old man. It's creepy. And it just gets creepier. Not in the sick, twisted way a lot of movies can become creepy, just Eww, what a creeper.

Overall: Girl gets in over her head with an old guy. They go to Paris, and there's a thing with a banana. He's really slimy. She's really gullible. No one thinks much about it at first. Then there's conflict. Then there are tears. She gets her ass handed back to her, but the ending is Hollywoodified-satisfying. The fashion and scenes are all really beautiful despite the ugliness going on in the plot.

Surprise: Rosamund Pike plays a really stupid woman. Why, Jane Bennett? Why?

Movies

So last July I started writing down some movie reviews because it's just easier for me to pull up a blog about what I thought than trying to remember it. 

I came up with a rating system based on emoticons, since they're the most succinct form of a written expression:

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Then I summarized why I gave that face, what I felt the overall movie was about, and what I thought was kind of surprising. Below are a few that I've recently written. (The list will expand as I repost the bunch of reviews that were in this post originally, and when I review new movies too).

So I hope you check out these reviews, maybe reconsider what you're downloading, streaming, or renting from Netflix or Amazon, and share your thoughts with me:

An Education

Love and Other Drugs

My Week with Marilyn

Puss in Boots

 Tiny Furniture

Young Adult

Boot, Cat, Boot, Cat

Movie time!

So my sister's ringtone for me is some dude saying, "Boot, Cat, Boot, Cat . . ." It's a little odd, but catchy!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!

Puss in Boots

:)

Full disclosure, I rush proofread the movie novel and worked on the 3-D movie guide, but like most books based on animated movies, the movie was a lot more fun than the books. (The 3-D in the 3-D movie guide though is really cool.) If you like cats, don't find Dreamworks movies terrible, and want to laugh, then you should check it out.

Overall: Puss and Humpty Dumpty and other characters that include Kitty Softpaws and Jack and Jill are after the Golden Goose. You learn that there's no clear cut line between good and bad; about friendship and trust; and that declawing your cat might inhibit her skills to pick a lock if necessary. Guillermo del Toro was an executive producer, and it's a good looking movie.

Surprise: "Ooooooh!" to quote the most random cat in the movie. Love that cat.

Ben Stiller

One of the more exciting things that happened last week was seeing Ben Stiller twice on my morning commute.

Last Tuesday, I saw a bunch of men, that at first glance looked like construction workers or day workers at least (since they didn't have the orange vests and helmets). Then I recognized Ben Stiller.

At that point, I had walked too fast past him to whip out my phone to take a photo to prove that I was at least five feet away from him. They were just hanging outside of the Time Life building, and on second glance looked like tourists.

(Also, I felt a little self-conscious because I felt like I kept catching his eye when I looked at him. Maybe I had an expression on my face that pegged me as a psycho.)

On Wednesday morning, the same thing happened, but this time, he had some more people with him. People that had really big white boards. Like drywall, but thinner. Again, I was totally unprepared to take a photo of him, so I didn't.

Then on Thursday morning, I was ready with my phone out and on the correct mode and all to take a very stealthy photo, but I didn't see him. I did however see my former coworker from Wiley, so that was interesting.

I gave up trying to capture Ben Stiller on my cell phone on Friday. Friday was just a such a gorgeous morning though. It felt like summer, but without the chance of it getting too hot and ruining the rest of the day.

But this Monday morning I came from a different direction, and saw a bunch of men, just standing in a kind of horizontal line, taking up the whole giant sidewalk. Freaking tourists, I thought. Then among them I saw Ben Stiller. I walked through the space that his camera was pointed at to get ahead of him, and then I stood at one of those middle of the sidewalk crosswalks across from Radio City, and took a quick photo of him. A nearby tourist was taking a photo of everything but Ben Stiller. Bizarre.

 
I think Ben Stiller and his entourage were scouting for another movie. Maybe Tower Heist 2 or something with all those towers around (though he seems enamored with the Time Life building), but hopefully, it'll be something really funny.

My Hour and a Half with Marilyn

Movie time!

Who would've thought that the saucy blonde from Dawson's Creek would have made it this far in her career?

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! As in What is this garbage?!

My Week with Marilyn 

:)

I had no expectations for this film to be good or for Michelle Williams to actually be quite great, but it was good and she was quite great.

Overall: A young Englishman, Colin, with family connections, uses those connections to work on Laurence Olivier's movie with Marilyn Monroe. Colin proves to be brilliant at everything (he did write the books the movie is based on), and while Arthur Miller's in America, Colin becomes Marilyn's "big spoon" in bed for about a week. Marilyn's nuts and insecure, but she's also smart. Olivier can't figure out whether to love or hate her. Judi Dench is just adorable in this movie too. It's a movie about making a movie. And what's interesting is that even though Michelle Williams isn't exactly as adored or even entirely as new to show business as Marilyn was, I wondered if making this movie with these extremely seasoned foreign actors, by playing this role of such great expectations, she felt as much pressure personally as she portrays in being Marilyn. Also, the scenes of the countryside are so warm and beautiful. If only I could take my shoes off and walk around there!

Surprise: Hermione gets dumped by Colin! Ron apparates onto the set to save her dignity. (Kidding.)

Tiny Furniture Is Awful

Movie time!

:) -- Ooh! -- I wouldn't be too embarrassed about recommending this.

:/ -- Err. -- Maybe if you've got nothing else to watch at all.

:( -- What?! -- As in What is this garbage?!


Tiny Furniture
:(

So I saw Judd Apatow's tweet about Girls, and I was like, well, if they're going to be putting this on HBO and it's an Apatow production, it can't be complete trash. I thought that maybe Lena Dunham's movie IS worth watching. But, no. No it's most definitely not. And I don't want to hear that I never told you so, because I just did. It's so bad. I'm telling you now so that you don't ever have to watch this movie. I made ramen during this movie and when I came back nothing had happened. My friend Pam said that she fast-forwarded through this movie trying to find something that happens. NOTHING DOES.

Overall: A fucking annoying kind-of-unattractive/overweight spoiled bitch, who throughout most of the film walks around in mostly a T-shirt and panties, just graduated college with a degree more worthless than whatever you or I got and is just such a terrible person. The best thing I can say about this movie is that it doesn't look like crap. Like visually. (Also, this is now part of the Criterion collection. What?!?) But that's like saying about a restaurant that the plating was nice--and that's the nicest thing you can say because everything just tasted like shit. You know what would've been so much better to watch? Actual attractive people with clean hair. Or maybe any kind of people with clean hair.

Surprise: She has sex. In. A. Construction. Tube. Thing.