Thursday, March 17, 2005

Corn beef & Cabbage

He is hovering.

So today I had corn beef & cabbage for the first time since I was a kid and threw up the corn beef & cabbage that my parents made me eat way back when. Corn beef is a rather ugly color especially because it is supposed to be beef. Cabbage is also somewhat gross when you're a kid and think that what you're eating are the remnants of your Cabbage Patch. My mom tells me that I love cabbage--as cole slaw is a cabbage product that I happen to love--but cooked cabbage is not cole slaw. Mayonaise and cooked cabbage would taste gross.

So good times. And it was a good morning today too since when I realized that I got some real email--not the stuff from the solicitors. (And Jon, who maybe writes a sentence to caption what link he's sending me now.) And so the real email was most awesome news from Pam about getting into Harvard grad. (I feel so old. Grad school seemed a far way off.)

And so my thesis is officially 1/4 done. I got the history fluff background, now I need to process the definition of picture books, postmodern picture books, and metafiction as devices used in postmodern picture books, and a stunning conclusion that will explain why children's literature uses metafictive devices in their postmodern picture books--whether it be influence or because it's trendy among young hip artists to do these things.

Speaking of young hip artists I met David Stein (I'm pretty sure that's his name) who is rather adorable. He reminds me a bit of Luis Rodriguez though in the appearance and demeanor, but I'm sure if I said hi to him on the street he'd not look at me as if I were a meaty dumpling (in the sense that it's meat and Luis is a vegetarian and dumplings are inanimate). And so David is the illustrator/author Pratt student who is publishing Cowboy Ned & Andy in the near future. It's a real lovable book. I'm really excited about the books Paula and David (the editor one) are working on.

Oh, right. And I'm on break. This is the last spring break I will ever have, which is fine with me because spring break always seemed misnamed. It's neither springy nor provides much of a break from the hurdles of college. I'm not if I mentioned it before but these past four years have seemed like ridiculous hurdles of nonsense just to end up jobless in the end. Just like Lear and Carroll am I with this nonsense. While their book had no morals and were written for their entertainment value, so is my college career. Can it be that this is the culmination of what seemed like so many pointless days of memorization and writing papers for numerical ranks on a 4.0 scale? It seems like such an Olympic feat--bear with me--because these kids dedicate a good portion of their life during the time when many things are rather surreal to their sport. Only 3 make the cut ultimately for every category based on arbitrary judges. That's much like graduating without a job. Only the lucky few will graduate the top and the metaphor extends to the few who are set with school or a job after this graduation business was through.

Tsk. Tsk.

Wednesday, March 2, 2005

Plop plop fizz fizz

It's been another long while since I've written...Like it matters...I bet no one reads this.

Hmm...wonder what's going on with my self-esteem here.

So what happened in February?

I joined a Poli Sci class that had Japanese students come in for 5 weeks. The first weekend they were here we went to D.C., which was lots of fun...and strange.

It's silly, and I may have mentioned it before, but I hate how I feel like I have to censor myself in this spot. Should anyone read this, he or she may be offended with my posting. Perhaps if I used fake names it would work, but no. Forget it.

So D.C. was fun. We also went to Phili, which was pretty dull and cold. I had to study for my intercultural course and write my thesis, which is now a total of 0 pages.

I hate thinking about how my thesis is 0 pages. I wish it weren't.

So we were going over James Joyce's Portrait of an Artist... and he liked his epiphany spot--where no one bothered him, nothing was expected of him, and the like. He liked being alone. Sometimes I think I need to do that. I need some time for myself. I can't do that though because then I would feel ridiculous and bored. Ridiculous because everyone hates Stephen in the book because he is such a prig. Bored because I know how I feel when left completely alone.

I keep having these dreams about my worst trivial fears. Today I woke up because I dreamt about being made fun of in Chinese calligraphy class because that is what the teacher does to students she thinks are getting too cocky. In the dream, I wasn't cocky. I just had really poorly done calligraphy homework because I had woken up late. It was so stupid I had to wake up. Yesterday, I dreamt that I had to use the bathroom to take a shower and my mom was in the bathroom. It was like what had happened on Friday, but not, because on the towel curled by the sink was a pen and in that pen was a penis. No, no wait! The penis pen might have come from going into Condom Kingdom in Phili. Or the penis-nice story from a couple of years ago. Or the pen-is-nice story. Nevermind. I forget Sunday, but on Saturday morning I dreamt that Mital chose Dani and Tanuja to be bridesmaids for her wedding--which is fine and everything. It just seemed weird that she would choose Tanuja because I did/do not know how acquainted they really are.

Overall it makes me anxious to sleep. Over break, I used to have dreams about my thesis and it not getting done. This could be reality, yet I am not sure that I could live with myself for not trying.

The way I scheduled my classes these past years sucked. Who knew I needed a freakin language for Phi Beta Kappa? Who knew that I'd have an internship this year? German has taken up so much time as is this internship.

Ergh. Pep's phone is telling me something strange, and I am hungry.
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