Tuesday, December 15, 2009


A pigeon in Times Square pooped on me as I made my way to work. I spotted a smidgen of white poop on the left shoulder of my coat as I hung it up. I ran to the bathroom to check my hair and get a paper towel to wipe up that poop.

Yesterday, I saw a pigeon whose feathers were ripped pretty roughly out of its lower back. It looked shaved, but its flesh was so pink and spotted with red. I believe this is what happens to pigeons when they're run over by taxis. It made me gag thinking about it on my way to work.

Did you know white pelicans eat other birds' babies? It's vile. And white pelicans are growing in population rapidly. Those ugly seals should eat the pelicans instead of the chin-strapped baby penguins.

I'm really happy I eat meat. Gotta get them, before they get you.
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