Rain or rats with sharp nails scurrying across the floor?

Our apartment is shaped funny--like an octagon or something similar. I've yet to really think about how many sides it has, but it is more than four. Our apartment spans two of the sides of the apartment. Though we face south west, there is a south east view too if you're ambitious. So the rain doesn't just fall against the window as it should. When the wind blows, you can hear that it is raining. However, it does sound like rats are scurrying along the wall under the window. At least two through four little rats that can't decide what to do with themselves.

This morning was horrible. The asshole(s) next door were listening to Howard Stern or some morning talk show at 6:45, if not earlier. I plan to wake up 7. Not a big deal, so what if I had to wake up a bit early right? No way. These same assholes (there was definitely two) were playing their crappy bass based music until 1:40am on Friday night. I was sick Friday night, and I pay a lot of fucking money to live in this place. The indecency of these people. Fucking turds. I want to throw something hard at them, but the wall blocks my efforts. One more time I say, but still, that's what I've been saying since the beginning of college. Perhaps if I weren't so prone to seethe with hate and act passively and forgive immediately, then I wouldn't be so angry about annoyingly inconsiderate and noisy neighbors. Perhaps if I learned how to stand up for myself before feeling dizzy with adrenaline, I'd get things done. Fucking asshole neighbors. I hope something bad happens to them. Like they gain supersonic hearing and the little sounds make them sick.

What's strange is that while I can hear through walls fine, I can hardly hear the person on the other side of the cellphone.

Well, anyway, because of the asshole neighbor(s) I had to take the public transportations to work. I took the shuttle back though and walked from Grand Central. I also excercised today. I'm feeling really fat. Like permanently really fat. Now I understand how my fat sims feel and how hard it's going to be to actually look decent again.

Today I ate lots of craisins, I had a sushi lunch special--two rolls, one spicy yellowtail and one spicy tuna--that came with miso soup and a salad. $8, which wasn't bad at all. It had nice flavors and textures too, and the people were really nice. It's at this place called Maru (I think) in Hoboken. It's right on Washington. And for dessert, I had craisins with plain yogurt and Uncle Milton's cranberry preserves. Why do I still feel so fat?

I've not finished On The History Of Love like I hoped. I'm a bit more than halfway through though.

This is my dinner tonight. It's rice with D'artagnian duck bacon. It's like duck and rice, but without the soy sauce. It's quite tasty. Get some duck bacon and cook it up with something.

You can still see the treads!

This is Jon's $700 some odd bike. He rode it no more than fingers on my hand. We'll take $500 for it. Anyone?

This is Jon's input for a pumpkin face that I carved. Pumpkin face #4. This is all carved from one pumpking. Pam helped me one Thursday afternoon before Halloween. We ordered Margahrita pizza from Adiletto's and Ginger Ale (hence the grapes and Ginger Ale fun as you have seen). Pam helped me carve and scrap out the guts. She's a good scraper/carver. She also helped me make toasted pumpkin seeds and eat them.

This is my cat/dog pumpkin face #3. Isn't it cute? It's really hard wielding a knife on a gourd.

Pumpkin face #2. The little cowlick uptop was a happy mistake. Doesn't he look happy?

Pumpkin face #1. It's actually supposed to have a pointy tooth hanging down, but it shrunk.

Jon and I discovered this neat trick when I was telling him about my science project in 5th grade--the dancing raisins. With this inspired notion, I threw a grape in his ginger ale. And the grape started dancing. Who knew it didn't have to be raisins in seltzer water only? Try it. Get a grape or few and toss it into a glass of carbonated liquid. I dare you not to be happily amused for at least a few minutes. DARE YOU.

This was my view. People entered Cassidy's quite early sometimes. Tang Pavilion had good Chinese food. There was sometimes a man who wore bright color shirts that paced back and forth along one of the balconies across the way. He reminded me of a fish. I love my little cut out boy. Harmony lived along my view for awhile. There are Lenox Hill doctors' offices across the way.

This was my office at HarperCollins, while I was a temp in publicity there in October. This was the best thing that has ever happened in my career so far. Yes, that's a window. Yes, that's a cut out a of a little clown boy in the corner. This office was hot. Literally, I thought that I was going to die when I had food poisoning because of the heat. I couldn't tell whether it was me or the office. Many good memories were had in this office.

Yes, it was a cookie.

What's that in our FreshDirect order?

The first time Jon's family came over, Jon was running really late. He got me these flowers. Aren't they nice? I found the "vase" in the dishwasher when we first moved in. It's actually just a tall chipped cup. While not safe for drinking, it's good enough to hold these pretty flowers I think. It was nice to have fresh flowers in the apartment. This sits on our nice new table set. This was probably taken in August.

This is from the Jacques Pepin Fast Food My Way cookbook. It's a good dessert. It's fresh strawberries, blended with Uncle Milton's raspberry jam, and the jam, creme frache, strawberry slices, and crushed short bread bits are layered. It's quick and good.

I thought the FedEx building looked kind of nice with Jon's building. Shiny buildings.

I don't remember this, but it doesn't look good. It's my laptop in this picture. It's fine now.

This is what I did during my unemployment. I knit or crocheted scarves on the sofa in my hoodie. The air conditioner hit the sofa just so, so that in order to keep the apartment cool, yet have a place to sit, I had to sit on the sofa while wearing a sweater.

Jon works in that building under the Conde Nast building (the one with the Lion King advertisement). The big red, though short, building is the headquarters of FedEx. Oh! And you can see Dani's Croatian church on the left--the green and redish building with the steeples

Jon works in that building under the Conde Nast building (the one with the Lion King advertisement). The big red, though short, buidling is the headquarters of FedEx. Oh! And you can see Dani's Croatian church on the left--the green and redish building with the steeples.

I thought the clouds and sun and Empire State Building looked cool. This is still sometime in July. Perhaps August even.

I made this in July. It's short rigatoni, steamed spinach, ricotta, and shredded salami. We ate a lot the first few days, and then it just sat in the fridge. It was so gross cleaning it out of the bowl.

See? That's our view. The big thing taking up most of the picture to the right is the MTA bus depot. The tall building to the far right is 1 Penn Plaza.

Wee and I are so happy to be done assembling the furniture. Sammy helped me screw in the bed and make up the mattress. It's great to have good help. This was all completed in July, a few days after we moved in. Now, November, the space you see is cluttered with magazines, book reviews, and lots of other papers, yarn, and doo-dads. The book shelf is full. The room faces southwest, and it has a nice view of the Empire State Building.

So it took a couple of days to assemble the couch and armchair you see here. We kept putting the pieces on backwards, and then we didn't have a screwdriver that worked. We used our fingers to screw in the screws that wouldn't screw. Finally, we just kept trying different options, and things fell into place. We finished this a day after the table and shelf. Really, who knew an armchair would take two days though?

A communal toilet...actually, it took me and Wee quite a lot of hours to assemble this Ikea shelf. We couldn't even stand it up when we finished. See the coffee table in the back? That took a few less hours. It was Wee's determination that got those stupid dowels in their place. See the pile of stuff next to the table in the back? That our sofa and armchair. This was assembled when Jon and I first moved in, sometime in July. Wee and I ate lots of frozen hot wings that week.

Oh, it's been that long?

The other day Jon mentioned how I haven't written in a while, when I actually did, but not under this blog. Still three months is awhile, and many things have happened. I finally got a job for one.

Today, I added a bunch of stuff to my amazon.com wishlist. I'm not sure what to do with the children's literary studies books on my wishlist, nor am I sure what to do with the picture books, but I don't want to delete them just yet. I also really want earmuffs, slippers, and a wok. I think I'll have a good Christmas with those items in particular. I've so many books on my shelf to read already. It's funny that the majority of books we have on the shelf aren't the Norton/Penguin classics that I've bought for so many of my English classes. No, they're collecting dust at home.

I've debated with myself the pros and cons of an ipod nano. It'd be nice to have, and I'd love to be for a few days at least one of those people who nonchalantly ignore the rest of the world by hiding behind their earphones. It's just so expensive. Money may be saved toward a ehem shinier smaller rounder object...rhymes with amond.

Also today, I hope to finish Nicole Krauss's On The History Of Love. I love the book so far. Her writing is refreshing and clever. The characters are mostly likeable, and I have no clue what the climax if there is one will be. It's good text.

I finished On Beauty a few weeks ago, and the experience of reading that book was similar to White Teeth. There were a lot of familiar characteristics and a lot of uncomfortable moments for the characters. I think it's interesting how she uses the characters' physical weights in her plots in her books. That what stands out for me the most. It makes it almost more tactile for the reader.

Yesterday, I saw Pride & Prejudice with Wee. I got sick after Thanksgiving--awful sore throat, stuffy nose, aches--but yesterday I felt a bit better except for some hacking coughs for whenever I felt that dust particles were running down my throat. What also made it difficult to concentrate was that the awful neighbors next door had their music blasting until 1:37 AM. I threw so many items at the wall and pounded a few times while cursing loudly, but nothing made them stop. I guess we could have knocked on their door and asked them to stop. I figure since I didn't do that in college, why start now? It's like living in a very expensive dorm afterall. And, so feel crappy, while watching this movie was not a good idea. There are a lot of scenes with spinning camera action, or if it's not the camera then it's the dancing people. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack trying to stifle my coughing (so not breathing) and all the spinning. Once the spinning stopped, and Mr. Bingley and Jane did really seem like a handsome couple--though a bit silly, the movie was actually very good. I'd see it again probably, but not in theaters. Mr. Darcy is ultimately a hotty. I wonder if even a scary truly charmless man could play Mr. Darcy and fail. Keira Knightley wasn't as horrible as I thought she would be, though really she should think about fixing her teeth. When there are close up shots, all you can see are her funky teeth. There's one scene where she stares at herself for hours (the sun sets) in a mirror. Also, her hair is cut strangely. She has little spikes of brown growing out at the corner left of her neck nape. Hmm...this seems like I'm fixated with her looks, but really, there are many scenes where it's hard to ignore. Or yes, it's just me.

Oh Mr. Darcy. I wish Elizabeth in the BBC version were a bit prettier too. I recall the first time watching it, that her features were a bit appalling and obnoxious. Oh, wet Mr. Darcy.

Anyway, the cold weather draws me to read more ancient books, so I want to finish On The History Of Love today. Perhaps I'll read Little Women again, or start Middlemarch or Persuasion.

Other notes:

I'm still working on Jon's scarf that I started when I waited for Shakespeare in the Park tickets. I started working on a scarf to give to Lauren since she gave all her winter clothing away to Katrina victims. I'm still working on my crocheted blanket.

The apt. is fairly a mess. I can't find a spot on the coffee table.

I've brought home some homework. How many more days until Christmas vacation? I am not sure I ever felt this way before at an internship--perhaps it's because school always seemed a lot worse than doing irresponsible work for free.

The dining table is slowly being occupied by nonsense as well.

Jon's bike has not been sold yet.

Laundry sits in our foyer.

Our rice/rice cooker makes really good rice. Unfortunately, though I crave it, there's nothing to actually eat with the rice I would make.

Shh...

!@#$ and %^&*

So while in college, I had worked at Don Maass, Marcel Dekker, Columbia University Press, Simon & Schuster, and Time Warner Book Group, and since graduation I've applied to Taylor & Francis (who now owns Marcel Dekker), Simon & Schuster, and TWBG. I've gotten interviews at S&S, FSG, HarperCollins, and Penguin. And now the only one who hasn't rejected me is HarperCollins. And the only one who didn't ask me to do a report for them is HarperCollins. And the best interview was at HarperCollins. And the best fit is at HarperCollins.

And I spent $200 something on books from FSG. And I spent two semesters at BFYR. I could have asked to intern at Scribner instead, which probably would have given me that "experience" that FSG wanted. And where did staying at BFYR get me? It got me a production job. It's as if all my other editorial experience were worth nothing. And what's the point of having done any of these internships really? I should have just did one of those stupid publishing courses and worked on my tan and wardrobe at a JCrew instead of actually exploring my interests and gaining any experience at all.

If I took the production job I'd be employed. If I left BFYR and the crazy people there I would have had a better chance at FSG.

And now I'm just fat and unemployed and bored out of my mind. And I really hate it. I feel like burning all my books because I hate staring at them.

I just really feel like I'm wasting my life and it blows.

Cherry blossums

So I've been trying with little effort to stop using AIM because I'm not sure I like it anymore.

Reasons why I don't like it: Time consuming; sticks one to the computer; waiting for the other person to type and wondering what they are really doing; mysterious emoticons.

So after playing some miserable, on my part, computer games against Frank on a dreary Thursday morning instead of working on my thesis or any homework, I decided to not log on anymore--or as often anyway. It became nice to not be forced to see who is out and about and who is also at their computer at the same time. It used to make me feel sad that the only people who were online were the people whose names I had forgotten. My away messages had also become ridiculous with silly messages asking me why I was on one's buddy list. (I think the best one had to be the aunt who thought she was talking to her niece prepping for her debutant ball.)

Okay in medias res.

Corn beef & Cabbage

He is hovering.

So today I had corn beef & cabbage for the first time since I was a kid and threw up the corn beef & cabbage that my parents made me eat way back when. Corn beef is a rather ugly color especially because it is supposed to be beef. Cabbage is also somewhat gross when you're a kid and think that what you're eating are the remnants of your Cabbage Patch. My mom tells me that I love cabbage--as cole slaw is a cabbage product that I happen to love--but cooked cabbage is not cole slaw. Mayonaise and cooked cabbage would taste gross.

So good times. And it was a good morning today too since when I realized that I got some real email--not the stuff from the solicitors. (And Jon, who maybe writes a sentence to caption what link he's sending me now.) And so the real email was most awesome news from Pam about getting into Harvard grad. (I feel so old. Grad school seemed a far way off.)

And so my thesis is officially 1/4 done. I got the history fluff background, now I need to process the definition of picture books, postmodern picture books, and metafiction as devices used in postmodern picture books, and a stunning conclusion that will explain why children's literature uses metafictive devices in their postmodern picture books--whether it be influence or because it's trendy among young hip artists to do these things.

Speaking of young hip artists I met David Stein (I'm pretty sure that's his name) who is rather adorable. He reminds me a bit of Luis Rodriguez though in the appearance and demeanor, but I'm sure if I said hi to him on the street he'd not look at me as if I were a meaty dumpling (in the sense that it's meat and Luis is a vegetarian and dumplings are inanimate). And so David is the illustrator/author Pratt student who is publishing Cowboy Ned & Andy in the near future. It's a real lovable book. I'm really excited about the books Paula and David (the editor one) are working on.

Oh, right. And I'm on break. This is the last spring break I will ever have, which is fine with me because spring break always seemed misnamed. It's neither springy nor provides much of a break from the hurdles of college. I'm not if I mentioned it before but these past four years have seemed like ridiculous hurdles of nonsense just to end up jobless in the end. Just like Lear and Carroll am I with this nonsense. While their book had no morals and were written for their entertainment value, so is my college career. Can it be that this is the culmination of what seemed like so many pointless days of memorization and writing papers for numerical ranks on a 4.0 scale? It seems like such an Olympic feat--bear with me--because these kids dedicate a good portion of their life during the time when many things are rather surreal to their sport. Only 3 make the cut ultimately for every category based on arbitrary judges. That's much like graduating without a job. Only the lucky few will graduate the top and the metaphor extends to the few who are set with school or a job after this graduation business was through.

Tsk. Tsk.

Plop plop fizz fizz

It's been another long while since I've written...Like it matters...I bet no one reads this.

Hmm...wonder what's going on with my self-esteem here.

So what happened in February?

I joined a Poli Sci class that had Japanese students come in for 5 weeks. The first weekend they were here we went to D.C., which was lots of fun...and strange.

It's silly, and I may have mentioned it before, but I hate how I feel like I have to censor myself in this spot. Should anyone read this, he or she may be offended with my posting. Perhaps if I used fake names it would work, but no. Forget it.

So D.C. was fun. We also went to Phili, which was pretty dull and cold. I had to study for my intercultural course and write my thesis, which is now a total of 0 pages.

I hate thinking about how my thesis is 0 pages. I wish it weren't.

So we were going over James Joyce's Portrait of an Artist... and he liked his epiphany spot--where no one bothered him, nothing was expected of him, and the like. He liked being alone. Sometimes I think I need to do that. I need some time for myself. I can't do that though because then I would feel ridiculous and bored. Ridiculous because everyone hates Stephen in the book because he is such a prig. Bored because I know how I feel when left completely alone.

I keep having these dreams about my worst trivial fears. Today I woke up because I dreamt about being made fun of in Chinese calligraphy class because that is what the teacher does to students she thinks are getting too cocky. In the dream, I wasn't cocky. I just had really poorly done calligraphy homework because I had woken up late. It was so stupid I had to wake up. Yesterday, I dreamt that I had to use the bathroom to take a shower and my mom was in the bathroom. It was like what had happened on Friday, but not, because on the towel curled by the sink was a pen and in that pen was a penis. No, no wait! The penis pen might have come from going into Condom Kingdom in Phili. Or the penis-nice story from a couple of years ago. Or the pen-is-nice story. Nevermind. I forget Sunday, but on Saturday morning I dreamt that Mital chose Dani and Tanuja to be bridesmaids for her wedding--which is fine and everything. It just seemed weird that she would choose Tanuja because I did/do not know how acquainted they really are.

Overall it makes me anxious to sleep. Over break, I used to have dreams about my thesis and it not getting done. This could be reality, yet I am not sure that I could live with myself for not trying.

The way I scheduled my classes these past years sucked. Who knew I needed a freakin language for Phi Beta Kappa? Who knew that I'd have an internship this year? German has taken up so much time as is this internship.

Ergh. Pep's phone is telling me something strange, and I am hungry.

Bollywood Galore

Last time was drunk, last night. 120lbs. (feels like). Best Gilmore Girls episode this season, last night. Latest I have ever taken the bus alone, tonight (the 1:30AM, which should have been the 1:25 AM, but it was running late). Last time had Bridget's voice in my head, not recently.

I've lost Bridget, but I do feel that I have happily found my own voice in my head. Oh, one more Bridget-ess thing. Words typed on thesis, 0. 0 visits to Evans. 1/2 Chance of doing really really poorly on this writing task and not graduating summa.

What graduating summa cum laude means to me: I don't plan on attending professional school or graduate school. Not for my profession anyway. I hate writing papers on books that have already been written extensively about. Really what's the point of undergraduate papers except to show off one's grammar and organizational skills?

So my undergraduate BA in Communication and English will be it--as far as any really credible degree is concerned. I found that Masters in Publishing doesn't hold much weight in the real world, but if it will help someday then perhaps I'll take the required courses. It seems that the publishing programs at universities are scams though. We shall see.

Still as far as a degree in life this BA may be it. And to not try my hardest to graduate tip-top with as many honors and all would be silly. What would have been the point of college afterall?

GG: Richard and Emily are together, YEAH! I liked the part where he's like, I don't want to go to the pool house and Emily said something like, so don't and come home. And to be so dramatic about it and rear end her car while she's talking to Simon! What moxie!

Rory got her expectatations of going to Logan's dad's party crushed. The way I see it is that Rory got mostly everything she's ever wanted--and the boys ALWAYS fall for her. Logan though, he's actually proving to be a challenge. Oh why hasn't he fallin' to her Rory-ish whims? Perhaps he sees that she has another motive other than crushing on him--such as his father's connections in the journalism world. Perhaps he doesn't want to get involved with her because he doesn't want a bad break up where he couldn't even help her get into the journalism world. Or is it possible that he could just not be interested? However, what was that whole gag in the philosophy class about? Thoroughly entertaining stuff, but another orphan thread to the plot of the GG.

At least Rory is acting like a real girl: Disappointed in herself for having expectations for the guy to read her mind and "do the right thing," and yet not telling him what to do though she has the opportunity and knows fully well that said guy can't read her mind. Disappointed in him for not seeing all her charms, wit, beauty, and organized notes to want to take her out.

Bollywood Dance Class was much fun. I will be enrolled soon and much fun will ensue since the class will hopefully get smaller, and I won't have to throw down the girls in front of me to get some space.

Am still reading Windup Bird Chronicles. Am considering starting the Noodlemaker however. Am considering sleep as it is 2:12 AM.

Ah, one more thing. I said something in English class today! Big classes suck. I wish I took more advantage of speaking when I was in smaller seminars.

Fun stuff...oh yes, having no mobile phone sucks. At least no morning classes that require an alarm!

My view (on a cloudy day).

And the last of us have turned 21...here's to the future and those who have yet to be so old! (Hetal's beautiful birthday cake)

Happy New Year

Okay, new year. New thoughts. Must be happy so that I may ...fly off to Neverneverland? Too much Johnny Depp lovin' and thinking of Barrie and Peter Pan.

Rather will try to begin new year by using voice of Bridget Jones. A new, but embarrassing(?), heroine. Here goes:

110lbs. (I think. No scale available though will considering bringing one to school for this experiment), 0 alcohol units (will try harder tomorrow though it will be Wednesday), 0 cigarettes (still have never tried one myself, excellent work for being me and not Bridget-in-me though), 10 people I have either talked to or helped today (much fun).

Think I should face that writing like Helen Fielding would be impossible as I am not Helen Fielding. However, do like this inner monologue type feeling. Makes me feel better to talk to myself in British voice than own--perhaps, think I sound smarter?

Anyway, today woke up at home. Got ready for school. Drove down with mom. Mom was a bit nuts. I slowly rode over a pothole, but it was not just any pothole. It was, "The biggest pothole!" And shouldn't I know this? Then she asked if I were in a rush. Well, yes I was in a rush, but not that I would tell her I was. I mean it only seemed natural that I would speed toward school with her yelling at me about a pothole. She then proceeded to ask about the tires and how I did not make the effort, etc. But do not want to think about that. No need to sort that out.

When I got to Hegeman finally, my hands were sore and cold. I carried a case of water up my steps and noticed that the fluorescent lamps were being installed. Did not want fluorescent nightmare in my room, but was already running late for Chinese Calligraphy 112. And ultimately was late. While going down, two kids were walking up and talking about how easy it will be. I wasn't sure if they meant 111 or 112 so I proceeded to the class anyway. Turns out that the slightly strange and crazy professor will be 112 teacher. I talked to two girls who said that it may be easy. Not sure. Will find out perhaps.

Saw Jon (not my Jon, but the other Jon who lives in Demarest). Helped him bring books to his room in Demarest. Talked about books he read over break and such. Went to set up Internet, which took 4 hours. Ridiculous. Freakin' patches.

Daily Show in background is distracting. Will watch.

Rice is a scary woman. Daily Show is so good.

Okay, so went to Jersey Books with Pep. Was fun good times. Almost like last spring semester. He was off to his next class. Meanwhile, Wee met me at Jersey Books (a new meeting spot?) to go to Pequot. She picked up a course packet for her Expos. II class. A mistake if anyone asks me. Expos. blows as does it's sequel. Anyway, Pequot had those cute colorful schedules. I got an orange and hot pink one. We took a bus back to my dorm and waited for her beau to call.

Called Pam to tell her I was running late for dinner. Was thinking about if I had male genitals I would have another appendage to worry about freezing off (and what an appendage to lose as well!). Was going to share idea on her voice mail, but saw EE and ran for it (as fast as me and my imagined freezing genitals would allow me). Alas, another bus later I got to Cooper for a delicious stuffed shell. I found Pam through the seduction of her sexy hair. (Check it out.)

We went to Japanese class, but there was no class. We were about 2 weeks too early. We did decide that there should be a crosswalk from Cooper's stairs to the other side. I drew a picture on the chalkboard. We also decided on something else, but it escapes me...

Ah! Another Daily Show? Sweet.

We went back to Jameson for soup du jour ala Pam. Very delicious. Kat came by and did not look very well. It sounds as if she got the cough that Jon had earlier this month. Everyone's got something creeping up. Especially because of this freezing cold cold freezing weather. Kat's hair did look sexy too.

While I was washing Pam's soup bowl and spoon I failed using Kat's sponge and liquid properly. I think that the thawing out and anticipating a very boring class next period was overwhelming.
The water kept running. The soap kept foaming. A mess.

Thawing out makes me hot and blush. I think that's my skin saying thanks for not letting the frost bite it, but at the same time it's not a good deal because it makes me feel dull and lightheaded. Maybe I've the flu? Probably not.

So with plans to come back and watch American Idol, I went to children's lit. The professor seemed intelligent enough, but strange. Ask me if you really want to know. Anyway, I have dropped that class.

I came back and this is the end of my day.

Endnotes: I doubt I will write another blog this long, but thanks for getting this far.
Get well soon Kat!
GOOD LUCK PEP! WOOHOO! Columbia!